We’ve experienced a big change in our family in the last week. After a lot of struggles, searching and praying, our youngest was accepted into a program, and has spent the last week adjusting to his new environment. He is likely to be in the program for a year, and so we, too, are adjusting to our environment which for now, doesn’t include him. (I first wrote about this over here.)
Sharing this is important because it’s part of my reality as a mother. Some parts of this journey are really awesome and I love to share them, other parts are not so awesome but to not share them wouldn’t be authentic.
I’ve been surprised by the many feelings that have surfaced in the past week. It’s been really, really hard with this child of ours for many, many months (honestly...for years). And the truth is, I teared up when I realized he had been accepted, not from sadness, but from relief; I knew we were finally going to receive a new level of help for him … and for us.
Although I understood the gravity of our decision, I was surprised by the heaviness on my spirit. Tears intertwined with peace, the desire for control mingled with the relief of letting go and confidence wedged itself next to doubt.
Most families will never find themselves in a situation like this, but some do. Of those, many have a hard time sharing what they are walking through — it can be rather intimidating to be real about your hard stuff when the norm is to share your shiny and bright moments. I wanted to open up about this because sometimes our hard stuff encourages someone else. I wanted the opportunity to tell you if you’re walking a tough road, you’re not alone. I wanted to be honest with you — this former National Young Mother of the Year doesn’t have a perfect family … but then do any of us?